A Dater's Life

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Dating in Triplicate

This is my dating philosophy for 2008. Perhaps it seems obvious, but what this means is that my goal is to always have three men in rotation at once (and if I happen to only have two or even one, I'm always looking for replacements). They don't have to all be men I'm actively dating (though that's the ideal!) but simply men who are possibilities for dating.

Dating in Triplicate isn't about becoming a player; no, that was my life in my twenties. I've come to the recent epiphany that I want a real relationship, a grown-up relationship, a stable relationship. But my problem has always been dealing with the first few weeks of dating. Either I get so frustrated with the process of dating that I wind up acting cynical (or I step out of the dating world entirely, for we all know it's much easier -- much safer -- to just return to the known, even if the known means spending Saturday night watching Dirty Dancing for the 103rd time while drinking champagne and eating chocolate in the tub) or I throw myself in so quickly because I've spotted what I think is a good thing that I wind up hurt in the end (see: "Dodged a Bullet").

No, Dating in Triplicate is about seeing dating for what it is: Not a whole lot in the early stages. It allows me to relax when I'm meeting new men, perhaps to be more of myself. Because when Dating in Triplicate, if a man rejects me, it doesn't matter; there's always another date on the horizon. When Dating in Triplicate, I hope to be more open to the signs that a man isn't right for me and less apt to cling to him, just because the alternative is being alone.

We'll see how this new philosophy works out. So far, it seems to be working well. I have two men on the plate (and a third, unknown bachelor is out there somewhere) and I've been fairly chilled out about seeing them and even more chilled out about whether or not they want to see me.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Very Interesting

I have just received a voice mail from Bachelor #1, saying that he takes full responsibility for being so flaky about our date (busy campaigning for Barack Obama blah blah blah) and that he'd still like to see him, if I'm willing to give him another chance.

Very curious. Curious, indeed.

It's official

I have been stood up. Yes, I realize I didn't try and contact Bachelor #1 (I've reset my dating counter to zero) either, but call me old fashioned, I like a man to show me that he's into me.

Clearly this one isn't.

Men, here's a list of acceptable ways to cancel a date with a woman. Phone, texting, or e-mail are all acceptable means to an end. Note: Telling the truth is not essential here.
  1. I've met someone else (or is that too obvious?);
  2. I'm entering the witness protection program;
  3. I've just joined Doctors Without Borders and will be moving to Cambodia for six months;
  4. I've been traded to the Yankees (if you happen to be in New York, say, "I've been traded to the Dodgers);
  5. I'm gay;
  6. I'm joining a monastery;
  7. I'm joining a monastery because I think I'm gay.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Back into the game

After a few weeks dating hiatus, I'm about to go on yet-another first date.

It's with a guy I met on-line.

I'm completely and utterly apathetic about it. There's just no excitement, no thrill, no romance. It goes like this:

He: Checks me out
I: E-mail him
We: Exchange a handful of e-mails
He: Asks me if I want to go to lunch...in seven days
I: Say, "Okay"
We: Exchange numbers
Then: Total silence for a week

How on earth am I supposed to be excited about a lunch date with some random guy I don't know, have never met, when we haven't even exchanged a "hello" in a week?

I realize that everyone "knows someone who met their husband/wife/partner" through on-line dating, but honestly, I think it's a whole lotta effort for a whole lotta nuthin'!

Still, I'll try and be optimistic!