A Dater's Life

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Dating in Triplicate

This is my dating philosophy for 2008. Perhaps it seems obvious, but what this means is that my goal is to always have three men in rotation at once (and if I happen to only have two or even one, I'm always looking for replacements). They don't have to all be men I'm actively dating (though that's the ideal!) but simply men who are possibilities for dating.

Dating in Triplicate isn't about becoming a player; no, that was my life in my twenties. I've come to the recent epiphany that I want a real relationship, a grown-up relationship, a stable relationship. But my problem has always been dealing with the first few weeks of dating. Either I get so frustrated with the process of dating that I wind up acting cynical (or I step out of the dating world entirely, for we all know it's much easier -- much safer -- to just return to the known, even if the known means spending Saturday night watching Dirty Dancing for the 103rd time while drinking champagne and eating chocolate in the tub) or I throw myself in so quickly because I've spotted what I think is a good thing that I wind up hurt in the end (see: "Dodged a Bullet").

No, Dating in Triplicate is about seeing dating for what it is: Not a whole lot in the early stages. It allows me to relax when I'm meeting new men, perhaps to be more of myself. Because when Dating in Triplicate, if a man rejects me, it doesn't matter; there's always another date on the horizon. When Dating in Triplicate, I hope to be more open to the signs that a man isn't right for me and less apt to cling to him, just because the alternative is being alone.

We'll see how this new philosophy works out. So far, it seems to be working well. I have two men on the plate (and a third, unknown bachelor is out there somewhere) and I've been fairly chilled out about seeing them and even more chilled out about whether or not they want to see me.

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At 10:48 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Actually, this is a great idea for a dating method! Let us know how it works for you.


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