He said what?!?!

A few years ago, I dated this guy, J. We had a fun time -- wild conversations and wild sex defined our relationship, and we spent several months together, living passionately. I thought things were heading in a good direction (heck, I thought they were heading in some direction, any direction) when he turned into a big ol' cliche and cheated on me (correction: found his "soul mate") at Burning Man.

Needless to say, I was crushed.

Fast forward to this Friday. I'm enoying exploring my new neighborhood and am enjoying a cup of coffee at the good Peets when a quasi-familiar guy approaches me. A bit greyer and a few more lines in his face, but it was Cheating J himself. Now, several years have passed, so I'm not angry with him; in fact, I can't think of the last time I seriously thought of him. We had a nice conversation. It turns out that he lives minutes from my new condo.

Oh, and he's unemployed.

And he now owns multiple cats.

(I'm not angry, but a gal can still find pleasure in these things, right?)

Well, I was not at all surprised when suddenly Cheating J says, "So, maybe I can give you a tour of the neighborhood sometime."

(Translation: Break into an abandoned building with you and have sex in the bathtub.)

I paused for a moment, okay for three moments, took a deep breath (maybe two) and said, "No thank you. I have friends."

And that was the end of Cheating J.

Why is it always the ones you don't want?

And never the ones you do?

I changed my on-line dating profile to reflect my move, and within HOURS of updating it, Bachelor #1 had responded to say, "So, you're moving to my neighborhood?"

Yes, yes. My move has everything to do with you.

It's Official

On-line dating men are strange.

One guy hotlisted me about three weeks ago, so I winked at him; he keeps viewing me and viewing me, but he never responds to my "wink" (how do I hate the "wink"? Let me count the ways).

Another guy viewed me a couple of weeks ago. I really liked his profile so I sent him an e-mail. Again, he keeps viewing me and viewing me and viewing me (er, hello men....I can tell every single time you "view" me, so if you're gonna do it obsessively, set your viewing profile to "private") and yet never responds to my e-mail.

On-line dating: why must you mock me so?

Hmmmm....question

What is it about dating that causes otherwise sane and rational individuals to turn into quivering masses of insecurity, spending hours on end deconstructing one late phone call or one cancelled date or one confusing e-mail?

This isn't a criticism, for I've been there just as many times as the next gal (heck, or even guy). It's more an observation and perhaps one of the primary reasons why I fled from the dating world for the past few months.

The problem with on-line dating

Well, one of many. The whole concept just utterly confuses me.

For example:

This guy e-mails me. I read his profile. He seems interesting. I e-mail him back. A few days pass. He e-mails me again. This time I wait a few days and e-mail him back. Five days later....nothing.*

Another example:

This guy hotlists me. I read his profile. He seems interesting. I send him a "wink" for encouragement. A week and a half later....nothing.

Like I said, the whole thing is utterly baffling to me. Yeah, I'm sure these guys are e-mailing a dozen women at a time, but even so...the games are exhausting. No, it's not exhausting; it's more annoying. I've tried on-line dating off-and-on for three years now, and it never seems to work for me.

*note: I realize I'll hear from him again eventually. This e-mail cycle will continue for weeks, perhaps even months, before we finally decide to meet up or I get bored with the cycle. You know, whichever comes first.