He said what?!?!

A few years ago, I dated this guy, J. We had a fun time -- wild conversations and wild sex defined our relationship, and we spent several months together, living passionately. I thought things were heading in a good direction (heck, I thought they were heading in some direction, any direction) when he turned into a big ol' cliche and cheated on me (correction: found his "soul mate") at Burning Man.

Needless to say, I was crushed.

Fast forward to this Friday. I'm enoying exploring my new neighborhood and am enjoying a cup of coffee at the good Peets when a quasi-familiar guy approaches me. A bit greyer and a few more lines in his face, but it was Cheating J himself. Now, several years have passed, so I'm not angry with him; in fact, I can't think of the last time I seriously thought of him. We had a nice conversation. It turns out that he lives minutes from my new condo.

Oh, and he's unemployed.

And he now owns multiple cats.

(I'm not angry, but a gal can still find pleasure in these things, right?)

Well, I was not at all surprised when suddenly Cheating J says, "So, maybe I can give you a tour of the neighborhood sometime."

(Translation: Break into an abandoned building with you and have sex in the bathtub.)

I paused for a moment, okay for three moments, took a deep breath (maybe two) and said, "No thank you. I have friends."

And that was the end of Cheating J.