Book Review -- The Girls' Guide To Hunting and Fishing

A few years ago, I picked up a copy of the popular: The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing, by Melissa Bank. I wasn't all that impressed with it at the time, blasted through it in a few hours with a casual, "Shrugg. Cute."

But a couple of weeks ago, after talking with a friend about expectations and dating, I found myself picking the book up again when she suggested I read the title story. In it, the narrator, a relationship-challenged woman named Jane, finds herself struggling with what "rules" she should follow when she meets the man of her dreams. She receives a copy of a book that outlines strict guidelines for her behavior, and enters her new relationship following every bit of advice. As she contemplates her every move, the writers of the book whisper in her ear: "Don't accept a date less than four days in advance!" "Make him wonder a little!" "Don't be negative!" "Be mysterious!" "Keep him guessing!"

Essentially, be everything but what you are in order to get the man. You can be yourself only after you've gotten him.

It's advice that we've all heard, advice we've all read, and that most of us struggle with because on some level, we know that playing these games "works". For Jane, the advice obviously works at first; she lands the guy and he courts her with enthusiasm. But -- and I know you saw this coming -- in the end, it backfires. Her man pulls away, and she finds herself at a crossroads: Adhere to these "rules" or return to being myself?

I won't spoil the ending for you, but I found myself at a similar junction this weekend. Mr. Nice -- you know, Bachelor #2 -- had turned down my invitation to go hiking this weekend because he had the flu. But yesterday afternoon -- you know, Saturday afternoon -- he called to say that he was feeling better; he asked if I had made new plans and then said if I hadn't, he'd love for me to come over for dinner.

I paused. The voices started in my head. Don't accept a last-minute invitation with him! Don't be so available! Don't let him think you've been sitting around, waiting for his call!

But the truth was, I didn't have plans beyond watching a movie and taking a bubble bath. The truth was, I wanted to see him. He knows I have a life outside of him; my independence and sense of self is what attracted him to me in the first place. I looked inside of my self and said, "I refuse to play games with him."

So I took a deep breath and said, "I'd love to have dinner with you."

I won't spoil the ending for you.