Away from "Therapy Guy."
Let me start by saying that I have no problem with a person who chooses to go to therapy. Anyone brave enough to recognize that s/he has problems that are too tough to handle alone deserves kudos. However, I have learned there is a huge difference between "Going to Therapy" and becoming "Therapy Guy."
At first, Therapy Guy seems like a grounded, healthy person. He is upfront and direct in stating what he is looking for; he is upfront and direct in recognizing the problems in his past, and he tells you that he is dealing with these problems. He is attentive and communicative and talks about things like personal responsibility and recovery and process. He will treat you in a way that no other man has treated you; he is available and doesn't play games and behaves like he genuinely wants to be around you. He is ready for a real relationship, after all, and he is not afraid to admit it.
Ordinarily, a man with mother issues, trust issues, relationship issues would be a big red flag; but Therapy Guy is aware and he is working on himself. You think, Outstanding. A guy who is honest, sensitive, and not afraid. A guy who is "evolved." He may not have the perfect past, but who among us does? This one, he's different. He's working through his past, not being defined by it.
But then, the cracks start to show. Like a recovering alcoholic who looks down her nose at someone having a drink or an ex-smoker who coughs the second someone lights up, Therapy Guy isn't all that. You can't have a conversation without analyzing, Who, what, where, when, why? Why? Why? Why?????
Life doesn't seem to exist outside of his head. Every situation warrants analysis. He cannot simply appreciate the moment. When you have a feeling, you must immediately own
it; you cannot just have
it and process it later.
But most important, when things get sticky, Therapy Guy will deconstruct you, dissect you, tell you exactly where you went wrong. Because he is the Supreme Authority
on all things psychoanalytic, you will be left feeling shattered, destroyed, but the echo of "Take responsibility for yourself" will make you feel guilty and insecure about feeling these things in the first place. Therapy Guy, after all, speaks the Truth about life. He knows. He knows.
For Therapy Guy, recovery defines his life. Therapy isn't a way to get to a healthy existence; it defines his existence. It gives him an answer for every question that life presents; it makes him feel safe, secure, justified, right.
You know he isn't a terrible person; you know he is still figuring things out; you know that all he said to you, about you, had less to do with you and more to do with him. Maybe, hopefully he will eventually figure things out. But for now, run, don't walk away from Therapy Guy. Don't let his analysis of you define your life.
Labels: Dating Disasters, Reflections, Sometimes it's better to be alone